Today is a watershed moment.
For one, it’s the last day of the Trump Administration. For a while, anyway.
But it’s also the first time in almost five years, there’s nary a Donald Trump prop bet to be found on any of the best online Vegas election betting sites.
Instead, given that Basement Joe takes office in less than 24 hours, you’ll only find Joe Biden odds right now.
And like Sleepy Joe, they’ll only be up for a few more hours before retiring.
The following political props on the Biden Inauguration are from BetOnline, as the other books have already pulled their odds:
Joe Biden Presidential Inauguration Betting Odds
Will Bitcoin be up or down on 1/20/21?
- Up -150
- Down +110
Bitcoin has spiked incredibly since the alleged 2020 Presidential election in November, primarily due to trepidation in the Stock Market.
Wall Street doesn’t like feral government trifectas, and with the election finally becoming “official” at noon on Wednesday, reality ought to set in, and we should see BTC go up even more.
Of course, crypto is famously volatile, so your guess is as good as ours.
We’re taking the favorite here.
How many words will Joe Biden stumble over during his oath?
- Under 0.5 words -200
- Over 0.5 words +150
The Presidential Oath of Office is 39 words in length. We can’t remember Biden ever going that long without flubbing something, so we’re taking the over and that nice +150 payout.
Frankly, it’s a profound national shame that this is even a betting line.
Will Joe Biden put the wrong hand on the Bible during his oath?
- No -10000
- Yes +1400
Any hand is probably the wrong hand with this guy.
But no. He’s not that far gone. Yet.
Will Joe Biden wear a mask during his oath?
- No -5000
- Yes +1200
It seems very unlikely, but masks have become a political symbol for the left’s base, and he may do it.
Either way, the payout on the favorite is so small that we’re going to take a flyer on the dog and choose “Yes” at +1200.
Length Of Joe Biden’s Inauguration Speech
- Over 17:30 minutes (Locked)
- Under 17:30 minutes +150
BetOnline has locked out the over on this wager, which implies that a vast majority of bettors think the speech will run long.
We think that a normal, healthy human being would probably get through this speech in under 17:30, but with Biden’s issues, he’s going to eat up the clock moving from sentence to sentence. It’s going to be like the last three minutes of an NBA game.
Take the over when BetOnline reposts the adjusted odds, whatever they are.
Length Of Pledge Of Allegiance
- Under 17.5 seconds -140
- Over 17.5 seconds +100
It takes us about 10 seconds to recite the Pledge, but with Slow Joe’s reputation, we really have no idea.
We’re staying away from this one.
What will be said first by Joe Biden in his inauguration speech?
- God -170
- Faith +130
In earnest? Neither.
But the guy (or, rather, his speech writer) plays hard to his base, so it’s probably going to be “faith.”
At worst, this is a tossup. And the rule for tossups is to take the better payout.
What will be said first by Joe Biden in his inauguration speech?
- America -120
- Nation -120
“America” is a four-letter word to the left.
However, the tossup rule cited above is a little different when the odds are actually the same. In such cases, we avoid placing bets.
We’ll pass on this, just like America has passed on.
What will be said first by Joe Biden in his inauguration speech?
- Future -175
- Journey +135
This one’s tough. Logically, you must go on a journey to get to the future, so “journey” ought to come first.
On the other hand, the Democrat base is clamoring to hear about the future without giving much thought the fairy-tale logistics of how on Earth they’ll get there, so maybe that one comes first.
Another tossup, so “Journey” is our choice.
When will “America United” be said in Joe Biden’s inauguration speech?
- 10:00 minutes or more -125
- 5:00-9:59 minutes +125
- 0:01-4:59 minutes +200
Probably right after he calls half the country “Nazis.”
So, sometime in the first 30 seconds?
Will “Scranton” be said by Joe Biden?
- No -250
- Yes +170
Creepy Joe loves children, and he loves referring to himself as “just a kid from Scranton.”
So yes, he’ll probably say it.
Will Joe and Jill Biden kiss each other on the lips?
- No -350
- Yes +225
We think so, and the payout’s nice at +225.
Of course, maybe Jill will kiss him on the forehead, as caregivers are wont to do with their wards.
Joe Biden Inauguration Speech Word Count
- Over 1500 Words -1000
- Under 1500 Words +550
This article is exactly 845 words long.
If Biden can’t at least double the duration of this thing on the biggest day of his professional life with all the world tuning in, Heaven help us all.
Take the under.