Sometimes you just have to scratch your head.
For one thing, you’ve got the first meaningful media “war” since Operation Iraqi Freedom, which you’d think would generate at least a few actual Vegas political odds. But it hasn’t.
Seriously, why not?
It’s a major European military action, for crying out loud!
Then, just for laffs, you’ve got the entire Reddit army buying plane tickets into a real-life battlefield to get killed by bunker busters in their sleep (which, it turns out, is nothing like campaign mode in Call of Duty, FYI).
That, at least, should have generated some odds, right?
After all, it’s at least as ridiculous as celebrity divorce odds or American Idol odds, right?
Plus, the best Vegas sportsbooks have never limited themselves only to political betting lines. They’ve got current events odds, too. And given that this thing is both of those in spades, we expected to find ourselves literally digging through dozens of funny and apropos props.
Yet, there’s only one – one – betting line that’s even cursorily related to the Russia-Ukraine thing (via BetOnline Sportsbook):
When Will Ukraine Join the EU?
- 2030 or later +200
- 2022 +500
- 2023 +500
- 2024 +600
- 2025 +800
- 2026 +800
- 2027 +800
- 2028 +1200
- 2029 +1200
Ukraine wanted to be fast-tracked into the European Union, but EU member states have rejected the nation’s pleas. Thus, it will probably around five years for Ukraine to join the EU (which is the current average), by which time Ukraine might be considerably smaller.
The new line above joins two existing UN betting lines that have long been making the rounds at BetOnline:
Any Country to Leave the EU Before 2025?
- No -300
- Yes +200
When the UK voted to leave the EU and triggered Article 50 in March 2017, the country’s original exit date was scheduled for March 2019. It didn’t officially happen until 2020.
Realistically, even for a nation that internally fast-tracks its EU exit, there’s probably not enough time to do so “formally” by December 31, 2024.
Next Country to Leave the EU
- None before 2025 -300
- Hungary +350
- Poland +550
- Italy +800
- France +2500
- Austria +3300
- Cyprus +4000
- Malta +6600
- Czech Republic +7500
- Greece +7500
- Spain +7500
- Bulgaria +10000
- Croatia +10000
- Romania +10000
- Slovakia +10000
- Netherlands +12500
- Belgium +15000
- Estonia +15000
- Latvia +15000
- Lithuania +15000
- Sweden +15000
- Denmark +20000
- Finland +20000
- Germany +20000
- Ireland +20000
- Portugal +20000
- Slovenia +20000
- Luxembourg +25000
For the longest time, Hungary was trending in second on this list, with Italy in the top spot.
However, since Russia has seemingly drawn a line in the sand – and since it looks for all the world that an economic partnership between Russia and China and Saudi Arabia is in the cards (especially as the latter actively considers the adoption of the Chinese Yuan as its reference currency for Asian oil sales instead of the US Dollar) – Hungary knows where its bread is buttered.
The UN is a sinking ship, and while Hungary might be the first country to bail out and save itself, it certainly won’t be the last.
The intrigue surrounding Hungary’s future aside (the reelection of Viktor Orbán seems all but assured, by the way, if his -900 odds are anything to go by), these are all pretty meh.
We expect better.
At least Mybookie Sportsbook is killing it with their gas price betting lines and celebrity odds (which actually include Vladimir Putin, though in a pretty ridiculous, “inoffensive” way – and no, MyBookie is not headquartered in Russia or Ukraine):
What will the AAA National Gas Price be on July 4, 2022?
- Over $6.00 per Gallon -120
- Under $6.00 per Gallon -120
Today’s national average gas price in the United States is $4.316.
Note: You can find the AAA national gas price averages at the association’s website here.
Which State will have the highest average Gas price on July 4, 2022?
- California -300
- Nevada +400
- Hawaii +500
- Oregon +500
- Washington +600
- New York +600
- Illinois +600
- Michigan +800
California is currently over a dollar ahead of high-gas-price stalwarts Alaska and Hawaii. Nobody’s catching the Fool’s Golden State, here.
What will the AAA California Gas Price on July 4, 2022
- Over $7.00 per Gallon -120
- Under $7.00 per Gallon -120
Today, the average price of gas in CA is $5.75 per gallon. We can see it happening, but it probably won’t. The Midterms are getting closer every day.
What will the AAA New York Gas Price be on July 4?
- Over $6.15 per Gallon -120
- Under $6.15 per Gallon -120
The average price of gas in NY is currently $4.445 per gallon. Another dollar and a half by Independence Day seems like a stretch.
What Will The AAA Texas Gas Price Be On July 4?
- Over $5.65 per Gallon -120
- Under $5.65 per Gallon -120
In Texas, the average price of gas today is $3.989. We don’t see $5.65 per gallon by July 4.
What Will The AAA Florida Gas Price Be On July 4?
- Over $5.75 per Gallon -120
- Under $5.75 per Gallon -120
Florida Man is currently paying $4.329 per gallon for gas right now.
Oh, who are we kidding, Florida Man doesn’t pay for gas! He siphons out with a hose the old-fashioned way.
What Will The AAA Nevada Gas Price Be On July 4?
- Over $6.50 per Gallon -120
- Under $6.50 per Gallon -120
Gas in Nevada currently costs $4.960 per gallon on average. We don’t think it’ll hit $6.50.
NV is a battleground state, after all.
What Will The AAA Illinois Gas Price Be On July 4?
- Over $6.25 per Gallon -120
- Under $6.25 per Gallon -120
The average gas price in IL is $4.557 per gallon. $6.25 seems a bit much for mid-year.
And again, Illinois is a battleground state.
What Will The AAA Michigan Gas Price Be On July 4?
- Over $6.00 per Gallon -120
- Under $6.00 per Gallon -120
MI gas prices average $4.229 per gallon right now. Purple state or not, we can almost see gas hitting six bucks per by July 4.
Putin Vs Musk Boxing Match – Must Be In Russia
- Vladimir Putin -1000
- Elon Musk +550
Putin Vs. Musk Boxing Match – Must Be In The USA
- Elon Musk -250
- Vladimir Putin +170
Looking at the two sets of odds on this fanciful nonsense, it seems like the calculus is that Russian Federation judges would cook the cards for Putin. That, or the ref would just DQ Musk for illegally
head butting Putin defrauding entire nations of billions of dollars.
However, if the match were held in the US, the thing would go the other way – presumably for the same reasons.
Also, just for the record, here’s the Musk vs. Putin Tale of the Tape:
Putin is 69 years old, stands just 5’5” tall, and weighs 155 pounds. Meanwhile, Musk is 50 years old, stands 6’2” tall, weighs 180 pounds, and does almost as much martial arts as Sean Hannity.
But only one of them has nukes.
2022 Joe Biden Presidential Mental Fitness Test Update
Biden Approval Rating on April 1
- 43% or higher -120
- 42.0-42.99% +200
- 42.0-41.99% +450
- 40.0-40.99% +800
- Under 40% +2800
Before The Invasion™ (other countries’ borders should really be respected, folks), Biden closed out an awful February with an approval rating under 41%.
Now, the only thing that’s changed is inflation has continued to reach record new highs, unemployment has skyrocketed, our local Walmarts are no longer open 24 hours per day, and gas is almost $5 a gallon when the previous all-time high in our town was about $3.50.
So naturally, because “some people did something” a million miles away, the commander in chief is getting a pass. Let this be a lesson to you about the power of the bogeyman.
Literally Hitler 2.0™ has allowed the mainstream media in the United States to gaslight the American people into thinking Biden cured COVID (because, well, nobody’s reporting on it anymore so it must be cured, right?) while deflecting attention from the historic economy-crippling problems at home.
All that said, it’s hard to imagine why Biden’s approval should be higher than 43% by April 1. Sure, right now, normies think the guy looks like the Most Blessed Saint President of Democracy compared to Volodemort, but is he going to be able to ride that wave into April?
Of course, this wager does say April 1 in the title. Maybe the entire thing is just an April Fools’ joke. #Clownworld indeed.
Very funny, guys.
Biden To Win Second Term?
- No -700 (-800)
- Yes +400 (+425)
Putin cured COVID and boosted Biden’s reelection chances? That’s Time Man of the Year material right there.
Joe Biden Exit Date
- 2025 -180 (-180)
- 2022 +400 (+400)
- Not Before 2026 +450 (+450)
- 2023 +550 (+550)
- 2024 +1400 (+1400)
Will Biden Complete Full First Term?
- Yes -220 (-220)
- No +155 (+155)